Two nights back I was crowned the Queen of Love. Really I was. You didn't see it in the paper? Well I was. The ceremony was a fast one. My lovely brown eyed beauty cousins were running back in forth from what appeared to be designated as the study room for them by my aunt and uncle. See I was drawing and coloring with them. All they wanted to draw were princess and castle sort of themes. One thing led to another and they were all drawing and cutting out my crown and accessories for the evening. My lovely cousin who I haven't seen a very long time noticed I wandered off to the living room to read Hocus Pocus for a bit. She runs up, lays a paper against my forehead and says Looks like it fits, can you see? I say yes to play along, not knowing what was going on. She comes out a few moments later placing the same paper on my head and saying There, your the Queen of Love! I hope I meet their expectations with this title.
So you see, more reason for you all to follow me! I have a title. During my stay, I noticed a few characters I was not familiar with who were sort of in the back ground during this lovely family gathering. One was an old man who would walk in and out of the kitchen every now and then. Not speaking to any one. Kept to the kitchen and his room. I asked my uncle who he was. He struggled to tell me. I assisted aggressively. As I usually do. He says Oh he is Mari's (Mari is my aunt) family, kind of. I say Oh really, her father? He says no, well kind of. He goes on to tell me that my aunt's cousin was recently deported and their family was forced to leave their home. I was appalled. I said well that's great of you to help them out. He says of course, we are brown, it is the right thing to do. The terrible things that are happening to our people, we must help eachother during these times. I smiled and looked over at the old man. His old tired skin and bones would stay in my mind.
And then last night, we had my other aunt and uncle over. So great to see my family getting together often. I enjoy my younger cousins. I mean they have sprouted so much. I am that ridiculous person who says Oh my gosh, how you've grown Ricky! Or I can't believe how grown up you've become Steven. But it's true. Most of the time I remember some one as I last saw them, and then when I see them I forget time passes by or something and behave as if I am in an episode of the twilight zone or something. It's sort of ridiculous, it really is. Well, my point... Yes, they brought over an elderly woman named Annie. She is my aunt's (Who is my Mother's sister) mother in law. I had not seen her in a very long time. She appears to be shrinking now. Her hair looked straightened, her skin spotted and with a strange texture. Reptile like, but soft barely sticking to her bones. She would stare at you for a minute with her blueish gray eyes. All glazed over. No expression. Then suddenly she would smile, and say Hey, how are you? I missed you. Smiling. Just smiling stupidly. Then she would wander off and do the same thing to every one else. All cautious to her next move. My aunt and uncle smiling awkwardly. Panicking any moment she walked down a step. My aunt saying under her breath Ay dios mio. Oh Annie. Worried she would trip over her own feet and fall. So frail and tired.
Later in the evening she was asking my aunt and uncle what time they would be leaving because she was tired. My aunt treated her like a child. Soon Annie, go sit back down right on that couch. She was so dependent on them. Unable to make her own decisions. Unable to truly know what she wanted, or unable to do as she wanted really. She was just tired.
I am damn well afraid to get to this point. Where you are silenced and forced to abide by others. Reverting backwards. You can't just get up and go. You must ask those who are caring for you what is best. Which usually what is best for them. What a scary thing.
Sigh. And then you die.
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